What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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