the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
