dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
