I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
