The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
