After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
