Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
