PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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