Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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