Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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