i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
