I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
