He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
