Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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