Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
