But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
