I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
