tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
