for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
