I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I need to stop coming to work sober
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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