Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
