4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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