im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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