I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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