I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
