Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
