My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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