Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
