im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
