I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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