Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
