I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
