Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I could make wine with my vomit
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
