Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
