i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
