he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You were trust falling into bushes
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