Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My nipple is on Facebook.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
