mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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