He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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