I'm laying in your front yard are you home
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
