this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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