He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
