To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
