so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
