You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
