chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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