I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
last night I used snow as a chaser
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
