we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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