just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
