We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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