Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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