I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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