Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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