He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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