So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
