i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
