I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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