Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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