Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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