Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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